Cleaning Out My Closet Lyrics

When I was 10 ,shit , I believed I could fly
I would just flap my f*cking arms and meet with the sky
And in my mind I would invision I was speaking with God
And then I chop his f*cking fist off and beat him with
mine
But this is just a f*cking portion of the war with my
mind
So I'ma take you f*ckers back into the vortex of time
When I was 7 invision me at the bottom of stairs
And I silently swear that this is the truth no falacy
here
See I was young man I was just a toddler a kid
And he wasn't the first to succesfully try what he did
He took me to the basement and acted the lights would
be cut
He whipped it out in sight of my eyes and forced his
cock through my gut
See it was weird because I felt that I was losing my
mind
And then it happened like it happened like milions of
times
And I would swear that I would tell but then they'd
think I was lying
And now the power that he held was like a beacon in
mine
So now I got used to it, I put up with the shit
And now my hate was so organicly eruptive and shit
But this is nothing 'cause I guess he told his friend
what he do
And they ate it up shit I was like a buffet for 2
And then it happened then at home where everybody
f*cking knew
And they ain't do shit but f*cking blame it on youth
I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you
But even you by then wouldn't know what to do
And now it happened so often that he was getting
particular
And I morse yea every time I worked in my speed and
ventricular
One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed
He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my
legs
He told me
"Hey ray, I see you like them popsicle sticks
So put your mouth on my dick and suck and swallow the
spit"
And I was confused by I was scared so I did what he
said
I had no idea the affect it would have on my head
My heart was pumping it was stumping with like tons of
my fear
Imagine being 17 and cum be in your underwear
I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my
butt
Disgusting right, now let that feeling ring through
your guts
I thought of offing myself I thought of killing these
niggers
Wanted to take a f*cking brick and push their teeth through their liver
Wanted to smash like the f*cking world and burn it's
leftover but
Wanted to rip it out and just f*cking step on my heart
Then I grew up and I wasn't within a reach of these men
But that didn't keep out of motherf*cking reach of my
sin
And psychologically I was just as f*cked as they come
I was confused I had to prove I wasn't f*cked from the
jump
I was afraid of myself I had no love for myself
I tried to kill I tried to hide I tried to run from
myself
There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I
was
So I create the other people I would try to become
Since you already came in the plate and with as scarred
as I was
I was extremly scared of men so I start liking girls
I started starving myself f*cked up my bodily health
I didn't want to be atractive to nobody else
I didn't want the appeal wanted to stump my own growth
But there's a f*cking reason behind every scarr that I
show
I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow
My mental state is out of date and that's how far as I
know
My biggest problem was fear what being fearful could do
It made me run it made me hide it made me scared of the
truth
I'm not deranged anymore I'm not the same anymore
I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as
before
I had to deal with my shit I had to look at my truth
To understand that to grow you gotta look at your root
I had to cut off the dead I had to make myself proud
And I'm just standing breathing living proof look at me
now
I made it through everything I made you look like a
clown
I'm f*cking great can't f*cking hate you nigga look at
me now
And I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from
the ground
The makings of a legend is often hiden in thorns
So just move on and just be strong and just accept what
you can
Because it makes your story better when you read it ,
the end
That's the story of every scar that I show
I made it out this a mean nobody's goten before
I had to open my wounds I had to bleed till I stop
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
I said I opened my wounds I had to bleed till I stop
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet

082c00ed4ef4d92908775dc8dded317d