PC Halloween Lyrics

[Devo Spice]
My homeowner's association sent us a letter
To say they had a way of makin Halloween better
And safer and more fun for everyone involved
And completely non-offensive, it makes sense, problem solved
I didn't know there was a problem, but okay
And this probably won't affect my plans in any way
So let's see what they say, I read a little more
And saw my kids could only trick or treat from three o'clock to four
Decoration limit, two pumpkins per yard
And knives are dangerous, so they can't be carved
And no devils, or anything satanic or morose
And even nothin made of satin cause it sounds too close
To make sure nobody gets offended or upset
We've got some guidelines here for what costumes you can get
No witches, they promote witchcraft, as does
Harry Potter, Bewitched, and The Wizard of Oz
No aliens, monsters, mutants, or cannibals
And werewolves promote cruelty to animals
Vampires might make a kid too scared
And zombies are offensive to the living impaired
No Freddy, no Jason, in fact they can't be
Characters from films they aren't old enough to see
No commercial characters like Spongebob or Superman
And no ghosts, the sheets look too much like the Klan
Figure skaters show way too much skin
And Dora the Explorer's an illegal alien
Okay so how about a duck? Anyone got a problem
With my kid dressin up like a duck? HUH?!!
We can't give out candy cause it makes the kids fat
Just stickers and fruit, and maybe that granola crap
I was stunned - is this really how they want it run?
It's politically correct and not a damn bit of fun

[Interlude]
{*werewolf howling scratched, then silenced*}
I'm sorry we can't allow that sound effect
Because it's too scary and might be upsetting
To some of our younger listeners
{*evil laughter - also silenced*}
No, I'm sorry, the evil laughter
Perpetuates the stereotype of the mad scientist
{*woman screams in horror - also cut off*}
Oh now that's just sexist
Why does the victim always have to be female?

[Devo Spice]
Surprisingly with all the things it said we couldn't do The letter didn't say a WORD about bags of flaming poo
So guess what I got planned? And I hope they understand
Cause I'm throwing my own party and it WILL get out of hand
No one will be allowed in, unless
They are wearing a costume guaranteed to offend
Maybe something like a walking pair of breast implants
Or a priest with an altar boy hanging from his pants
People showed up and I was very impressed
With my guests and how they decided to dress
There's Jess, she came as a messed up slut
And there's George Lucas with a light saber up his butt
And there's the most evil creature they say
A lawyer for the RIAA
And I dressed up like the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee
What? That little bugger scares the crap out of me~!

{*zombie growling until interrupted*}
Now do you really think a reanimated corpse is suitable for children?
{*an owl hoots for a little bit*}
Okay that's better, but can you try something a little friendlier?
{*puppies barking*}
Yes, that's perfect! Now you've got it!

[Outro]
Did you guys see Devo Spice's party?
Yeah, it was awesome! I went as a sodomi...
It was disgraceful, and completely against the rules
Err-uh yeah, it was uhh, awful
Next year we're gonna have to just ban Halloween for good
And go right to Christma... er, Channuk... Kwan.. uh...
You know, THAT time of year
Hmm, that sounds like a good idea - but how do we do it?
Simple - we allow the residents to hang up their Holiday decorations
At the beginning of October...
Okay moving on
Unit number 47's front door is off-white, not white
This is against the rules!
I vote we find them $500 per day until they get it replaced
All in favor?
AYE!!
Great - now the tree in front of unit 23 started changing colors
Four days before the rest of the trees in the neighborhood
This flagrant disregard for the rules can not go unpunished
I move that we make them tear it down and replace it with another tree
That is on the proper fall foliage schedule - all in favor?
AYE!

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