Criminal Lyrics

Songwriters: Marshall Mathers Iii;Mark
Bass;Jeffrey Bass

A lot of people ask me stupid f*ckin'
questionsA lot of people think that what I
say on recordsOr what I talk about on a
recordThat I actually do it in real life or
that I believe in itOr if I say that I
wanna kill somebody, thatI'm actually gonna
do it or that I believe in itWell, shit if
you believe that then I'll kill youYou know
why? 'Cuz I'm a
CriminalCriminalYou goddamn rightI'm a
criminalYeah, I'm a criminal
My words are like a dagger with a jagged
edgeThat'll stab you in the head whether
you're a fag or lezOr the homosex, hermaph
or a trans-a-vestPants or dress, hate fags?
The answer's, "Yes"Homophobic? Nah, you're
just heterophobicStarin' at my jeans,
watchin' my genitals bulgin'That's my
motherf*ckin' balls, you'd better let go of
'emThey belong in my scrotum, you'll never
get a hold of 'em
Hey, it's me, VersaceWhops, somebody shot
me!And I was just checkin' the mailGet it?
Checkin' the 'male'?How many records you
expectin' to sellAfter your second LP sends
you directly to jail?C'mon, relax guy, I
like gay menRight, Ken? Give me an
AmenAmenPlease Lord, this boy needs
JesusHeal this child, help us destroy these
demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new carAnd a
prostitute while my wife's sick in the
hospitalPreacher preacher, fifth grade
teacherYou can't reach me, my mom can't
neitherYou can't teach me a goddamn
thing'Cause I watch TV and Comcast cableAnd
you ain't able to stop these thoughtsYou
can't stop me from toppin' these chartsAnd
you can't stop me from droppin' each
MarchWith a brand new CD for these f*ckin'
retardsWho?And to think, it's just little
ol' meMr. "Don't Give A f*ck" still won't
leave
I'm a criminal'Cuz every time I write a
rhymeThese people think it's a crimeTo tell
'em what's on my mindI guess I'm a
criminalBut I don't gotta say a wordI just
flip 'em the bird and keep goin'I don't
take shit from no one
I'm a criminal'Cuz every time I write a
rhymeThese people think it's a crimeTo tell
'em what's on my mindI guess I'm a
criminalI don't gotta say a wordI just flip
'em the bird and keep goin'I don't take
shit from no one
My mother did drugs, tar, liquor,
cigarettes and speedThe baby came out,
disfigured, ligaments indeedIt was a seed
who would grow up just as crazy as sheDon't
dare make fun of that baby 'cause that baby
was meI'm a criminal, an animal caged who
turned crazedBut how the f*ck you supposed
to grow up when you weren't raised?So as I
got older and I got a lot tallerMy dick
shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink malt liquor to f*ck you up
quickerThan you'd wanna f*ck me up for
sayin' the wordMy morals went when the
president got oral sexIn his Oval Office on
top of his desk off of his own employeeNow don't ignore me, you won't avoid meYou
can't miss me, I'm whiteBlonde-haired and
my nose is pointyI'm the bad guy who makes
fun of people that dieIn plane crashes and
laughsAs long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim
combinedThe maniac's inReplacin' the doctor
'cause Dre couldn't make it todayHe's a
little under the weather, so I'm takin' his
placeOh, that's Dre with an AK to his
faceDon't make me kill him too and spray
his brains all over the placeI told you
Dre, you should've kept that thang put
awayI guess that'll teach you not to let me
play with it, eh?I'm a criminal
Aight lookUh huhJust go up in that
motherf*ckerGet the motherf*ckin' moneyAnd
get the f*ck up outta thereAightI'll be
right here waitin' on youAightYo, EmWhat?
Don't kill nobody this timeAw right,
goddamn, f*ck
HiHow you doin'?How can I help you?Yeah, I
need to make a withdrawalOkayPut the
f*ckin' money in the bag, bitchAnd I won't
kill youWhat? Oh my God, don't kill meI'm
not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin'
aroundJust don't kill me, I have two kids
at homeI said, I'm not gonna f*ckin' kill
youDon't kill meHurry the f*ck upThank you
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in
itSo when I rob a bank, run out and just
dive in itSo I'll be disguised in itAnd if
anybody identifies the guy in itI'll hide
for five minutesCome back, shoot the
eyewitnessFire at the private eye hired to
pry in my businessDie, bitches, bastards,
brats, petsThis puppy's lucky I didn't
blast his ass yet
If I ever gave a f*ck, I'd shave my
nutsTuck my dick in between my legs and
cluckYou motherf*ckin' chickens ain't brave
enoughTo say the stuff I say, so just tape
it shutShit, half the shit I say, I just
make it upTo make you mad, so kiss my white
naked assAnd if it's not a rapper that I
make it asI'ma be a f*ckin' rapist in a
Jason mask
I'm a criminal'Cuz every time I write a
rhymeThese people think it's a crimeTo tell
'em what's on my mindI guess I'm a
criminalBut I don't gotta say a wordI just
flip 'em the bird and keep goin'I don't
take shit from no one
I'm a criminal'Cuz every time I write a
rhymeThese people think it's a crimeTo tell
'em what's on my mindI guess I'm a
criminalI don't gotta say a wordI just flip
'em the bird and keep goin'I don't take
shit from no one
I'm a criminal'Cuz every time I write a
rhymeThese people think it's a crimeTo tell
'em what's on my mindI guess I'm a
criminalI don't gotta say a wordI just flip
'em the bird and keep goin'I don't take
shit from no one
I'm a criminal'Cuz every time I write a
rhymeThese people think it's a crimeTo tell
'em what's on my mindI guess I'm a
criminalI don't gotta say a wordI just flip
'em the bird and keep goin'I don't take
shit from no one
I'm a criminal

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