Companies Using Nifty Taxation Systems Lyrics

(Intro)

(Spoken)
Welcome, Ladies, Gentlemen, Taxpayers. Tonight you have spent your money wisely buying a ticket to see FA. Financial Advisors. And now it time to get a return on that investment with some good advice, listen up

(Sung)
Paying taxes is a grind
It can hit you with a bump
It can be an awful bind
It gives everyone the hump
But if you don't want to pay
Then your quite within the law
You can stash your cash away off shore. (off shore x2)

Welcome to the world of shadow banking
No one really knows what goes on here
Want to pay no tax on your earnings
We can make those earnings disappear
Hide em in the Cayman's, Turks and Caicos, Switzerland, Lichtenstein, Jersey too
Only Little people pay taxes, people like you (and you x4)

We're companies using nifty taxation systems to hide our bumps
Massaging money from haven to haven using shell banks and false funds
Or we offset our cost against taxed in Great Britain were tax is appallingly high
Then declare ours profits in Monaco and we get to keep all the pie
That's why companies using nifty taxation systems spells cunts

(Spoken)
Ladies and Gentlemen she's the newly appointed head of emerging markets. So could you please welcome the fragrant, the freshly minted, the fiscal fem fatal, who is Ms Sarah Louise Young

(Sung)
Tax evasion is illegal
But avoiding tax is not
So to best protect your assets
And to hang on to what you've got
Build a clause into a trust
Which you set up in Delaware
And if an auditor comes calling
The trust is designed to fly elsewhere
Look its gone to Bermuda

Welcome to the world of market finance
Manage all your moola, with a plomb
As a high net worth individual
Declare yourself officially non dom
The city of London will take care of business
It has more power than the Inland Revenue Only saps ad suckers pay taxes, teacher's and nurse's and fools like you and you

We're companies using nifty taxation systems to hide our bumps
We can make the incumbent chancellor of the exchequer, look like a dunce
Our teams of accountants and lawyers always find they always have something to do
Handy for loopholes and dodges to further increase the Touchnecrew
We're companies using nifty taxation systems that's cunts

(Spoken)
Lets hear from those trumpets
(Trumpet Imitations)

Libraries will have to close (sad but necessary)
Fewer bobbies on the streets (stay indoors)
Disabled people losing benefits (scroungers)
And less BBC repeats (don't knock dad's army)
Ever larger student fees (so sweet from the chaps)
Obs and Gynie wards to shut (use a condom)
Legal aid is been reduced and our fighting forces cut

(Sung)
Welcome to a world that has no frontage
Capital is free free free to flow
Though we may twice as rich as Creasers
We come better than let a penny go
The country is broke and the pundits tell us we could really help if we paid up too
But we don't use the NHS or crap state schooling that's for little people like you (and you x5) (you too x2) You two
Oh they went offshore years ago

We're companies using nifty taxation systems to hide our bumps
Along with oligarchs, drug barons and rock stars who had high moral principles, well maybe once
It's all very well to say people like us should hang ours heads in shame, but if you owed the Euro millions you'd do the bloody same
Then declare ours profits in Monaco and we get to keep all the pie
That's why companies using nifty taxation systems you be rolling in lolly and chugging by the bolly, you be thrilled to join the international band of solid gold plated... CUNTS

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