Why Can't The English Lyrics

Look at her a prisoner of the gutter
Condemned by every syllable she utters
By rights she should be taken out and hung
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue
Aw!
Aw! Heavens what a sound!
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education
Oh come sir, I think you picked a poor example!
Did I?

Hear them down in Soho square
Dropping h's everywhere
Speaking English any way they like
You sir, did you go to school?
What do you tike me for, a fool?
No one taught him take instead of tike

Hear a Yorkishman or worse
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn, just like this one
G'on!
G'on! I ask you sir, what sort of word is that?
It's aw and g'on that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face

Why can't the English
Teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction
By now should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why you might be out selling flowers too I beg your pardon, sir!

An Englishman's way of speaking
Absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks
He makes some other Englishmen despise him
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh why can't the English learn to

Set a good example
To people whose English is painful to your ears
The Scots and the Irish leave you close to tears
There even are places where English completely
disappears
In America they haven't used it for years

Why can't the English
Teach their children how to speak
Norwegians learn Norwegian
The Greeks are taught their Greek
In France every Frenchman
Knows his language from A to Zed
The French don't care what they do actually
As long as they pronounce it properly

Arabians learn Arabian
With the speed of summer lightning
And the Hebrews learn it backwards
Which is absolutely frightening
But use proper English, you're regarded as a freak
Oh why can't the English
Why can't the English
Learn to speak!

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