I Wrote The Bible Lyrics

I think you have the wrong impression
Somewhere in me, there's a light
When I chew diamonds, I shit rainbows
I wrote the bestseller of all time

You're not “supposed to” anything
And you don't get closer just by virtue of
Being opposed to everything
Baby, I'll see you in Vegas

Did you know I'm not your mommy?
And I'm not your punching bag

I wrote the Bible and you rolled your eyeballs at it
I don't need disciples, but I will be coming back
And I'll be real pissed

I happen to like me
Why do I go around saying
That I'm this big f*cking asshole?
I mean, then what do I call you

When you assure me it's just a phase?
I should've never made you my plus-one
To Corey Feldman's birthday party
I've made the wrong people famous

I am not your sugar daddy
I don't pay you so you can f*ck me

I'm on the couch and coming down And realizing how little we have in common now
If I'm gonna be happy instead of just distracted
I can never work in this town again

Everyone wants to discuss my book
They've clearly only read reviews

Sycophants, think if they can afford a ticket
I'd wanna to hear their thoughts about God
And sure, it's all open to interpretation
But I based Him on a Santa at the mall

Everyone deserves a chance
To cry on his lap and be disappointed
And make their own joy
And buy their own toys

What do you think is going to happen when you run out of people to blame?

I was thinking, what's the point
If you can always go and lie?
If you can always change your answer?
But we lead by example

Fear is the mind-killer
Your father's hanging jaw
It's gonna f*ck the girl you love
It's gonna leave you when you get cancer

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