Kenesaw Mountain Landis Lyrics

Kenesaw Mountain Landis was a bad mother f*cker
He was seventeen feet tall, he had a hundred and fifty
wives
He didn’t do that much except he saved the game of
baseball
He put two and two together and he noticed it was four
Now the treachery of Shoeless Joe can’t hurt us anymore
And he’ll always be remembered as Kenesaw Mountain
Landis

Fellow named Joe Jackson was a fielder for the Black
Sox
And he always wore his black socks, but he never wore
no shoes
He weren’t the nicest fellow and he had a couple
problems
Cause he drank a lot and he beat his wife and he always
acted rude
He killed and ate some babies and he copped an attitude
And the one man that he hated most was Kenesaw Mountain
Landis

The mafia said Shoeless Joe
You should really run this show
You should be the guy who owns baseball
And all you really gotta do
Is help us make a buck or two
We’ll bet on the other team
You’ll lose the game but make it seem
Like nothing could be further from the truth

Shoeless Joe did what they said he dropped a couple fly
balls
And he walked up to the pitcher and he poked him in the
eye
And in the seventh inning with the Black Sox nearly
beaten
There was someone who was watching from his blimp above the stands
Cradling a rifle in his thick and meaty hands
And as if you hadn’t guessed yet it was Kenesaw
Mountain Landis

Kenesaw said drop that glove
Or I swear by God above
I’ll make you regret playing baseball
And Shoeless Joe looked up and saw
The silver rifle’s gaping maw
And though no one had noticed yet
His underwear was getting wet
He peed himself in front of everyone

Shoeless Joe was finished but he couldn’t quite admit
it
So he raised his middle finger up above the other four
And Kenesaw took careful aim and fired a single bullet
And he shot that dirty finger off and he dropped his
trusty gun
And everybody in the stands knew that he had won
And today they still refer to him as Kenesaw Mountain
Landis

Shoeless Joe left baseball and because a famous pop
star
And he asked the musical question is she really going
out with him
He had a couple albums and a comeback in the 80’s
But he never won a Grammy and he never was the same
And he never could be satisfied with critical acclaim
Cause the critics all confused him with the great Elvis
Costello
Yes the critics all confused him with the great Elvis
Costello

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