She had just turned twenty nine ... (needed a good
ironing)
Smelling like a tench ... (face looked like a welder's
bench)
Her tights were baggy at the rear ... (she could fart for
Lancashire)
She said she liked the taste of my bell-end cheddar
And she asked me if I wanted to bed her.
She was desperate for a f*ck ... (said her cunt was
healing up)
Piles and NSU ... (creepy crawlies in her pubes)
Dribbling out of her womb ... (more semen (seamen) than
the QE2)
I've never been to bed with an ugly woman
But I've woken up with one or two
(Stretch marks on her bum, tasted pies for Titterton's)