Samurai Abstinence Patrol Lyrics

[Verse 1: Danny Sexbang]
In the tall skyscrapers of ancient Japan
Lived two great warriors, a dude and a man
Who proclaimed no sex until you are married
They were Arin Neverbone and Samurai Barry
500 years later, two heroes were born
One clothed in blue spandex, the other in scorn
They were Ninja Sex Party, they had but one quest:
To bring sex to the masses, 'cuz that shit is the best
In a super-hot orgy with ten girls and a mime
Danny thrusted so hard he ripped a hole in space-time
Each hump could be seen in the ancient night sky
Graphic shots of Dan's nuts were in healthy supply
Arin and Barry knew they had to act fast
They jumped through to the future 'cuz they were dicks from the past
They landed two feet from where NSP was rocking
And screamed "Danny, it's your cock that we now will be blocking!"

[Chorus 1:]
Samurai Abstinence Patrol
To control all our junk is their one true goal
It's a battle for boners and rock and roll
Ninja Brian will stab them in the soul (And the face!)
What could this mean for Ninja Sex Party?
Will our heroes be stopped from their boning spree?
And will Danny get first place in his spelling bee?
The championship word is "nomenclature!"

Uh... N... O... C
(buzzer noise) f*ck IT!

[Verse 2:]
The orgy ground to a halt and they took it outside The girls just went home, the mime probably died
Brian ran at Arin while Barry started screaming
Could we really have a future in a world without creaming?
All hell broke loose with the insane war cry
Arin soared through the air. Apparently, he can fly
Danny french-kissed a girl like he was king of Versailles
Brian stabbed some random guy with a different guy
The battle raged on 'til the city was wrecked
But the two sides began to have mutual respect
"God damn," Arin yelled. "You must sure love to slam"
"You don't even know," said Danny. "That shit is my jam"
A union was formed between both rival camps
And they both started rocking using NSP's amps
But the cease-fire ended and the battle resumed
'Cuz Danny whipped out his nuts and the alliance was doomed

[Chorus 2:]
Samurai Abstinence Patrol
Now their tale will be passed down in sacred scrolls
They were voted "Most Douchey" in a recent poll
Independently-conducted by Danny and Brian
Is the story over or has it just begun?
Has the battle for boning been lost or won?
The question is a deep and important one
Just like how in God's name do you spell "nomenclature?!"

Here we go...
N... R
(buzzer noise) This is literally f*cking impossible!

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