What do you do when you're invited
Out to the joint where guys get knighted?
Raise your hat and say that you're delighted.
Yes, but, tell me...
What do you do when noses stick up,
'Cos you don't know which knife to pick up?
Look around you and politely hic-cough.
Yes, but....I know
Champaign, tea and caviar need to be approached with etiquette.
Very well then, Campaign for a samovar
Get the better of the better set! Cor Blimey!
What do you do when debutanties
Take you to tea to meet their aunties?
You're as wise as I am. Fine advisor I am.
What do you do?
What do you do with no school tie on?
No oxford accent to rely on?
Sing a verse or two of "Any Old Iron"!
Yes, but, tell me...
What do you do when you go places?
What you wear when at the races?
S'pose I'll have to use me father's braces?
Yes, but, I know...
Fish and chips and jellied eels is a diet I don't understand.
Oh, how I wish you knew just how it feels,
Eating a banana down the Strand! Oh, matey!
What do you do when clubs refuse you?
Can't even get your name in Who's Who?
You're as wise as I am. Fine advisor I am.
What do you do? What do you do? What do you do?