Long Distance Daddy Lyrics

I'm a Long Distance Daddy
Riding my pickup tonight
And I'm a 40 year old honky-tonk runner
With a honky-tonk whore for a wife

Spoken:
Well I jumped in my pick up and I drove to the fridge
and I got myself a beer. Then took a drive to Sonny's
room, he's the border...Guy who lives in the back.
There was my wife washing Sonny's face like I never
seen it washed before, i said,"..the f*ck's goin' on?
Spell it out for me!" She said, "I'm Sonny's little
honky-tonk whore." So, I kicked his B-A-Double L-S and
said, "f*ckin' spell that!" Sonny C-R-Y, ha. I said,
"Don't ever let me catch you hangin' around Kitty's P-
U-Double S-Y." She said, "TAKE YOUR P-R-I-C-K AND SHOVE
IT UP YOUR A-S-S!!!" I Said, "F-U-C-K-O-F-F!!" I jumped
in my pick up and I left!!

I'm a Long Distance Daddy
Riding my pickup tonight
And I'm a 40 year old honky-tonk runner
With a honky-tonk whore for a wife

Spoken:
It's like ah, you know like..ah, I left that f*ckin'
scene, I thought it was really weird, you know. She was
f*ckin' around on me, right? Bitch. And then like, 3
weeks... 3 weeks and the f*ckin' hom.. I'm on the road,
right. I'm on the road 'bout 3 weeks in the f*ckin'
homoside, right? Last night, I got off the stage in
Nashville, I'm standing by the door, right? And I walk
over and said, ah, I said "Can we get payed?" And he
turned around and he said, "You assholes came off 20
minutes early, I'm docking you 20 bucks!" 20 f*ckin'
bucks man, Jesus H. Christ thats my fulcrum margin, I
near f*ckin' killed him! And I grabbed him by the arm
to turn him around and these Goons he had in the
f*ckin' door, they leaped me, right? Next think I know, I'm laying in the f*ckin' alley, My ax is broken, some
pricks ran off with my f*ckin' Timex and leaving me
with no f*ckin' insurance. The stage... you know the
white pants I wear? Dog shit down one f*ckin' leg, they
were f*cked , right? Those f*ckin' dogs! So, I went
back to my pick up right! A f*ckin' parking ticket for
20 f*ckin' dollars on the f*ckin' windshield!! Those
f*ckin' cops!! SO I DRIVE BACK TO THE MOTEL TO THIS
f*ckIN' HOLE I HAD TO LIVE IN FOR 20 f*ckIN' DOLLARS A
NIGHT WHERE SOME GUY'S PISSED ON THE BEDSPREAD RIGHT!
AND f*ckIN' LEECHES!!! AND I TURN ON THE f*ckIN' T.V.,
WHO'S ON ONE f*ckIN' CHANNEL, LOUSY BLACK AND
WHITE...EARNEST f*ckIN' AINSLEY!!!! "YEAH!! CURE
THIS,"I SAID, "AND I'LL CURE YOUR f*ckIN' ARSEHOLE!!!
AND I GRABBED MY CROTCH RIGHT!! THEN I HAD A HARD-ON SO
I HAD TO GO TO THE f*ckIN' WASHROOM AND BEAT IT OFF, I
WAS BEATIN' AND JACKIN' AND YOU KNOW WHAT!!! I COULDN'T
f*ckIN' CUM!! I SAID "YOU f*ckIN' PRICK EVEN YOU WON'T
GIVE ME ANY f*ckIN' PLEASURE, RIGHT!!" AND I GO BACK
AND I TRIED TO PHONE THE KIDS, EH! AND MY WIFE TO PATCH
THINGS UP!!! f*ckIN' KID ANSWERED, CALLED ME A CUNT AND
HUNG UP!!! I SAID, "YOU f*ckIN' KIDS!!!" BUT EVERYONE'S
A CUNT... THIS LOUSY f*ckIN' PLANET!!

I'm a Long Distance Daddy
Riding my pickup tonight
And I'm a 40 year old honky-tonk runner
With a honky-tonk whore for a wife

I'm a Long Distance Daddy
Riding my pickup tonight
And I'm a 40 year old honky-tonk runner
With a honky-tonk whore for a wife

And I'm a 40 year old honky-tonk runner
With a honky-tonk whore for a wife

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